Everybody is happy... ????

yes i know....i havent blogged in MONTHS i'm so sorry =\ but i've returned and with a lot on my mind.

for starters the summer is almost over for me =( back to school on the 22nd.

So here it is, how my summer of 2009 went...... *drum roll*

it was all going really well...up until...last night. I saw my crush but didnt get to speak to him b/c some grl kept distracting him. i went to atl to visit my uncle. i hung out with my friends from high school just about every weekend. and i met a boy. yes there is ALWAYS a guy. this time it was all jus for fun. thats what it started off being. then of coarse being me, i actually start to like him. and of coarse, being me and havin my luck, he confesses that he is just wanting fun this summer. understandable. we're young and its the summer.

i felt like he and i hit it off really well. but then friends and outside opinions started to come into the picture. now of coarse when every1 has mutual friends, or knows of eachother, everyone knows what is going on with each pair. however i tried to make it so that he and i understood where we were coming from. but last night it jus got way out of control.

the history behind last night is quite simple. the guy i like says he likes me but thinks one of my other friends' friend is cute. he says he isnt interested. however on twitter, the guys joke and play and make it seem as though he likes her. i try to ignore it and not get upset becuz he is not my boyfriend and he has the right to like whomever he wants to. but my friends are protective of me. they know i like him. so when these jokes r made it is taken seriously and they jump to defend me. i ADORE them for that. i will not apologize for not being able to have a say over what my friends do and do not do. they are their own ppl. however it put a real strain on he and i and i feel like now he is rethinking how he and i should act towards eachother. he's under the impression that i told them to yell at him about something he said on twitter. that was not the case at all. yes i was upset by it but he and i had had a conversation about how i deal with my jealous feelings. he seemed to have understood. maybe the hype of the evening jus made it seem like it was more than it actually was. because ppl were drunk and arguing (heres the funny part: i was home while all this was going on). whatever the case was, it ended with me being the 1 in the dog house.

another issue i've discovered is, groups within groups. we go through it ALL THE TIME! its bound to happen when some ppl are closer than others. however theres a certain way to go about it in my opinion. when we are all together, we r together. when we seperate, it feels as though we r put against eachother. i hate arguing and fights so i remain silent but it does bother me. i try to treat my friends equally. a few inside jokes may come up but most times, i'm willing to share the joke.

so with the mixture of opinions and groups and such, again i find myself in the middle, with some1 upset at me. when i do nothing but try to please every1 and i find that because i care about others, i often over look myself. all to avoid drama.

all i ever did was like some1 and tell my friends how i was feeling but it seems that if i share, its going to become more than it actually is. but keeping things in can't be good for me either. so what do i do? i'm the one with all the answers it seems but i can never find them for myself. so that noelle can be happy. so that noelle can smile. and as much as i say i wont do that anymore, i continue. that is just how i am. a people pleaser.

thats all for now. i promise to write more often. i'll be at school soon so inbetween twtter and studying, i promise to blog. toodles!!! =)

~Noelle