Picking Up the Slack

Okay so I slacked for a little bit with updating the blog. Sorry guys =\ But I'm here to make it up to all of you.

Today is a good self esteem day for me.

First off last night I had a semi conversation with a guy that I've been lusting after for a few months. He's a party promoter in NY. All my friends know who I am talking about. I just thank my dear friend Stephie for helping with that. You are truly one of the greatest!!!

Second my friend with bennies informed me that the best sex he's ever had was with me. I know that seems like a stupid thing to be a little gassed about but lets be honest ladies and gentlemen, if your partner told you that they have the best sex with you over other people, you would get a little big headed as well. I'm just being honest here.

Also, things are going really well with Darryl. But I'm just going with the motions and not expecting anything from it. I noticed that once I invest too much, it falls apart. Besides its at the fun, flirty stage which is one of the best parts of relationships; when they are fresh and exciting and just beginning to flourish. I told him about my friend with bennies and he asked if he and I could have a relationship like that. Thats where I had to stop because I only want and need ONE friend with benefits. I explained to him that I only have that agreement with my friend because it just happened that way. And he and I have only been intimate twice and its only when we are both single and not involved with anyone else in any kind of way. It is purly physical. In fact we don't even kiss eachother because kissing is personal. Darryl said he understood. I told him that if he and I were to ever get to that point then it would be because he and I have established a relationship where we are more than friends and thats when I'd no longer need a friend with benefits. He said he'd rather work for that than have a friend with benefits thing with me. That made me feel a little better but I still have the thougt in my mind about how he jumped at the chance for sex no strings attached with me. Then again he is a guy and that usually is a guy's ideal. He's a virgin by the way. I was suprised because its by choice and he is 18. Thats not very common in teenage guys. So it just makes things more interesting.

Back to last night's conversation. It was brought up actually by another dear friend I have, whom I've mentioned before. My dearest Denley. She just randomly started a video chat session with me, of which she kicked off by performing a rendition of Souljah Boy's "Turn my Swagg On " wearing shades, martigras beads that she swears she didn't get from flashing anyone, and a scraf drapped over her head Jim Jones style. You just HAVE to love her for things like that. Anywho. She finished with her preformance and then told me about a situation that she was going throuhg. She likes a guy but doesn't know how to flirt with him. I've already explained to you all that I do not know how to flirt my way out of a brown paper bag if i had to, so I told her I couldn't help much. So we decided to have a group chat with a few people that are better flirters than we were. Stephie being one of them. We also invited Stephie's old boo and our friend from school, Danny and the part promoter. Thats how I got to speak to him. Bu it was said by the guy that I like that you can't really plan how to flirt. It has to come naturally. Which is true. It has to feel comfortable.

Denley also mentioned that she wants to flirt but doesn't want to come off as raunchy. We concluded that there is a very thin line between flirty and slutty. I think that line differs for each person though. What may be slutty to some may be not exactly conservative to others but it isn't terrible. So what IS too far? To me, personally, if you don't know his/her last name, then there should be no physical contact beyond a kiss while intoxicated. Thats just my personal boundary. Like I said, others might feel differently. I just don't want to feel as though I'me doing something with a stranger. I don't think that'd be a great feeling.

The flirting tips did not get very far, though but the conversation was pleasant and thought provoking.

Another thought provoking topic came up recently as well. Thanks to my friend Tene.

Her away message had said, "What's worse? Having a boyfriend thats not there or not having a boyfriend at all?"

My response was that its worse to have a boyfriend that is never there. I've had a boyfriend that was never there before and its worse than being single because its like he doesn't care. The feeling of someone that should care but still not caring is a tough thing to swallow. Its like all you want is to be with him and spend time with him however he somehow finds something else to occupy his time. It can make you feel like whatever he is doing is more important than you.

I understand that some guys are busy doing things that are positive and productive but is it really that hard to pick up a phone and text or call just to say, "hi how are you?" I have had this conversation with one of my exes a dozen times. He would disappear for MONTHS at a time. Once he went to HAWAII!!!! He swore that he wanted to call me but I never wanted to get off the phone thats why he never could make short calls. I said he was bullshitting and if he madeit a point to reach out to me at least once a day, I wouldnt get oober excited once he did and then get upset when he had to hang up.

Not all girls are asking to be on the phone 24/7. That is too time consuming and if you both are mature, you both understand that. However, do not use "i've been really busy" as an excuse to disappear and basically neglect your significant other. A simple text message can make a girl's day. Just knowing that you are thinking of her can make her feel so happy. But when she doesn't hear from you or see in in ages, it can get disheartening.

I voiced my opinion to my ex, which were totally uncalled for and stupid(Stephie can testify to that becaus eshe has seen quite a few), but some girls just take it without complaining. Which makes the guy think, in some cases, that it is okay. NO! Girls, please say something if you feel a certain way. The problem cannot be fixed if he is not aware. MEN CANNOT READ MINDS! We have to stop acting as though they can. I believe that if the problem is brought up, and still not addressed, he or she cannot say with validity, "I did not know." SO start speaking up. Do not nag becaus ethat gets you no where however, just sit him or her down (I'm using both gendres because women are not always victims to men. Sorry guys, I started to go on my "I hate men" mode then caught myself) and tell them how you feel in a mature and calm manner. If someone starts to get defensive, allow them to get their side out but do not let thme dominate the conversation either without saying what you have to. Usually when one is defensive, he or she feels that that they are at fault some how. Maybe not in the same way that you do but in some way.

Anywhooo thats all I have for now. This is running long but I promised that I would pick up on my slacking and I think I've begun he process. Right now I'm having another video chat with Darryl and I'm neglecting him by writing right now. So until another day, God bless!

~Noelle