Invisible

Today I feel invisible.

I don't know why exactly but thats how I feel today.

I feel lke I'm alone out here at school. As if I have no one to really talk to. I have friends out here but after a little drama from earlier in the year, things just don't feel the same.

As for the guy in my history class, lets just say it did not go as i hoped it wold have. Oh well.

I seem to have a problem where if I like somene, one of my friends ends up liking them as well. And because I don't want to seem as if I'm stepping on anybody's toes, I quicky stand off from the situation. I do this because I've seen how girls can get with eachother when they like the same guy.

My very good friend, Stephanie, that came to college with me from high school, wen through it. She's a natural flirt. She does it without even knowing. Well when she started flirting with guys that our other friends liked, she came off as sneaky and it gave her a small stain on her repuatation when it was all an innocent misunderstanding. The last thing I want is to seem like I am crossing my friend.

I personally believe that if a guy likes you, then he will show interest. If he shows interest in another friend rather than me, I just get over it and move on. But lately its been happening a lot. There are guys I've had tiny crushes on that my friends don't know about because they started to like them and talk to them on terms that were more than friendly. I'm beginning to get very frustrated and feeling helpless.

There is this guy now that I've thought is cute for awhile but I heard that one of my friends might be interested. So here I am now debating whether I should pursue or not.

Monique told me that I have to stop being so nice and go after what I want. If I could without worrying about looking like a selfish slut then fine. But I haven't found a way to do that yet.

Guys can just go after the same girl and laugh about it later but its not exactly the same thing when it comes to girls. Girls have emotions. Guys do too, but sometimes they are more capable of putting their feelings aside for the sake of having sex.

Anywhoo I have a headache from the florecent light in my dorm that is blinking uncontrolably so I'm going to wrap this up and have a juice box.

~Noelle

P.S. HAPPY BIRTHDAY MIKE!!!!! Luv ya lil buddy =)xoxox

umm check out his blog, and his music. I dont even listen to much rap but is mixtape is really good. http://www.mikeclassic.blogspot.com/ is his blog, www.myspace.com/classicwilliams is his music page. Go Go Go!