Where are the benefits?

Hellooooooo, world! First I'd like to acknowledge the fact that The United States of America has it's first African American PRESIDENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Wooooooooooooooooo!

Okay moving on.

I'm having one of those days when your self esteem level has hit a low. I've been informed that I've gained enough weight to look like I am in the 2nd trimester of a pregnancy. NO BUENOOOO!!!!! Its not my fault that I LOVE food. But maybe it is my fault that I don't eat the right foods nor do I excercise. I used to dance every Saturday from 9:00 a.m until 5:00 p.m. Now, I get no kind of physical activity except walking from class to class. I haven't even done that much for a whole 6 weeks.

I say that I'll be going to he gym at school. We'll see how that holds up. I just need the motivation. Maybe looking knocked up is motivation enough.

In other news! I have been thinking about something that seems to be getting more and more popular each day. The concept of friends with benefits. Or as I call it, "friends with bennies." they are also known as fuck buddies, cutty buddies, and things of that nature. I once heard Samantha Jones on Sex and the City refer to it as "dial-a-dick". Whatever you want to call it, they all mean about the same thing. Its someone you have a physical relationship with without the emotional attachment or commitment. But here is the question: Are we really benefiting from having friends with benefits?

I'll be honest. I've had a friend with bennies a few times. I currently have one, however, he lives in New York while i'm away at school, so the physical part is very limited. In fact, it is mostly friendship. But from my past experiences with this lifestyle (I say lifestyle because it is one and one of choice) the benefits only last but for so long. After awhile, they become one sided. I think you know what i mean. Is it possible for the two parties to continue to give themselves physically to eachother on numerus occasions, willingly, and still harbor no feelings of affection or romance for eachother? I've seen it done once or twice before, but how long can someone resist feeling and only care about the physical? Is there really NO emotion there? Have we become animalistic in our search for instant gratification?

Of coarse it is clear that I would much rather have an emotional relationship with someone than a strictly physical one, but I must admit that sex as well as the actions that lead up to doing the deed, do have very nice affects on me. To be frank, I enjoy sex very much. But is it enough to set aside my emotions for? At times I don't think so. Other times, I think its the easiest thing ever.

For example, my current friend with bennies and I are quite friendly. We speak just about everyday. I first met him last year through a mutual friend. Right off the bat we knew that there was a sexual attraction, but, evidence of anything else was not clear. As time went on, the friendship grew, without any actual physical contact. Then, before I left for school, it happened. And afterwards, there were no feelings of romance. To us and and our friends, we were just having fun. When it happened again the second time, we started off watching tv in his livingroom, found ourselves in his bedroom, then afterwards we ended up in his livingroom again,talking to about a crush I have on another guy and how I should work on my approach. It was as if a few minutes ago I wasn't looking at the reflection of us in a mirror on the headboard of his bed. Kinky I know. But I can't help but wonder, will this feeling of strictly friendliness last? And since I value our friendship so very much, do I want to risk one of us (honestly me more than him because, well, I AM and always will be a sucker for love) beginning to seek more than just the physical side of things?

What about those of us that use being friends with benefits as a means of getting to another's heart? I have a friend that thought this would work and at the end of it, the guy ened up hitting on me and he and I dated for about a year or two on and off. She never knew and still doesn't know actually and I havent spoken to the guy in about a year.

So where are the real benefits? Sure, there are no worries about cheating because he or she is not your boyfriend/girlfriend. And yes you can avoid other stressor that come with relationships, too. But for how long? Is there an agreement to not sleep with other people? If so, why not commit to one another? You can't say that there is no jealousy, because once someone gets more attention than you, that green eyed monster is likely to show its face and its true nature.

Not to say that innocent fun is wrong. We're in a new time where sex is open and free. But some of these friends with benefits aren't even really FRIENDS at all. Some are just people we know to call when in heat. Its a quick and easy fix, but so is taping up a leak in a pipe. it will hold but for so long.

On that note, I'll wrap things up. I'm heading back to school of Friday. Back to the realities of learning. I'm over joyed. That was sarcasim of coarse. So until next time, you stay classy hahaha.

~Noelle

P.S. I LOVE YOU, BRITTNEY D.!!!! xoxo