Okay okay okay. I know. I've neglected you guys a bit. My apologies. Its not my fault. Its Twitter's fault. Yes, I have fallen into the fad. Its fun. It took some getting used to but now that I've gotten the hang of it, I can't seem to stop. Its blogging, only it's short hand. So technically I haven't NOT been blogging. I've just been blogging on another site. But there is really no excuse.
Moving right along.......
I'm finished with my fresh(wo)man year of college! *APPLAUSE* It feels good. Its a relief actually. But I'm still on campus for summer classes. I'm taking French. I wasn't supposed to take French, but it happened. Its only for four weeks so its not that bad. I can say I know Spanish and French now. Tri-lingual. That's sexy. Hahaha.
Nothing special has really happened recently. Chance is still upset and I haven't spoken to him since the last post. Tye and I have been playing phone tag for the last few days. He'd text me saying hey or wuts up. I'd text back saying the same. Then thats where the conversation would end. Its disappointing. I miss him a little bit =(. I miss the "cousins", too! I feel like I'm missing so much at home by being out here. I can't wait to be home with everyone for the summer. I have a date with my best friend since diapers (literally) to go shopping in SOHO and MAYBE get a tattoo. MAYBE! My mother told me I better not get one otherwise she will be quite upset with me. But I REALLY want one. We'll see if i'm brave enough to defy my mother's wishes.
In other news, my memorial day weekend was filled with Sex and the City DVD marathons at my cousin's apartment. I just love that show. And while I was watching, I came up with a topic to discuss in this post.
Topic: How quickly "love" dies.
Here is a little history on how I came up with the thought.
My ex from a VERY, and I mean VERY, short lived relationship and I have become friendly again. Not friendly in the sense that we are having sex or anything. Just that he and I are friends again. He was in a relationship recently. He and the girl were together for about six months. They were "in love". So much "in love" that the girl even went as far as to tattoo his name on her left ring finger. Yes. She got a tattoo of his name. I am so against tattoos that are of a person's name. ESPECIALLY if it the name of a boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, or wife. I just do not have enough faith in anyone to permantly mark my body with their name. I don't care of you can get it removed now-a-days. If you say to yourself that its removeable, just in case, then you don't need to get it at all. But I'm gettin off track. My ex showed the picture of the tattoo off in his icon on AIM. When I inquired about it, he explained to me that he did not know that she was going to do it but that he was flattered by it. She told him that no matter what happened between the two of them, she'd never regret getting the tattoo.
That was about a month ago. A week ago or so, my ex reached out to me and explained to me that he had broken up with the girl. She had lied about something and he called it quits. Just like that. It was a rather stupid lie. Within a few days, the away messages that had once been filled with "I Love You"s and things of that nature were filled with "I'm over it" statements. And the tattoo? She got it altered. What happened to "I'll never regret it"? And as for my ex, he confessed to me a few days ago that he doesn't even want to talk about her and that he does not care about her at all. How quickly we say "I love you" and then within a day of breaking up, we act as if it wasn't a realtionship at all?
Maybe some people hide the hurt a little better than others but how well can a person hide the pain. Maybe its because what they say about young love is true. Who knows the exact reason. But everytime I turn around, a relationship that once meant so much is being thrown away. Or a new relationship looks more serious than ones that have been going for YEARS.
Do we rush into love? I think so. I think the IDEA of love is what we want and as soon as it's tested, we fail. he lie she told was VERY minor. I told him to think aboyt it but in reality, he just wanted out in my opinion. When you love someone, whatever they do, you're first instinct is to ask what YOU did to make them do it. Then you hate them. But then you want to forgive them and make it work. Prime example: my first, Drew.(See past post).
He cheated about 2 weeks after taking my virginity and if things had panned out the way I thought, he and I would have given it another try. Why? Because I love him and wanted to be with him so I told myself I could try again.
When you say I love you, you can't just take it back. Its not a gift you can return. Its supposed to mean something. But because we love the idea of love when its happy, we forget what the rest of love takes. We forget that the one we love is not going to always make you happy. There will be days when you want to chop their heads off. But that should not mean you love them any less. Love never dies. It changes. It grows. It morphs into something different. In some cases it changes from a romantic love into a deep friendship, and others a friendship into a passionate romantic feeling. Whatever it changes into, it will always be there. Sometimes you will be greatful for it. Others you might try to bury it inside of you because you are so upset with the one you love.
I just want the word LOVE to stop being confused with LUV. LUV is an extreme like or infatuation. Those things are fine. Thats where LOVE can stem from. The first step. But its never easy to get to LOVE. So if we want LOVE we have to make the effort. Think about what LOVE is for you the next time someone says it to you or u say it to someone else. Talk about it with your partner to be clear on what the both of you expect from LOVE. Its all about communication.
To those of us with real LOVES in our lives, congrats on having had it because many people are still looking for it. And to those with LUVS, I hope it grows how you want it to. But most importantly, everyone should LOVE themselves 1st and fore-most.
Anywhooo thats my thoughts on it. Feel free to share your opinions.
Oh and that you to IamScruffy for shouting me out on Twitter today. Very glad you enjoy the blog and anyone else with a twitter...FOLLOW MEEEE =D www.twitter.com/topnotch_noniie
GOODNITE WORLD!
~Noelle
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
Men Cry in the Dark
Hellooooo hellooooo hellooooo! I'm back. And this time with something to talk about. So lets begin.
Sensetive men.
Its not a bad thing for a man to express his feelings. Men don't always have to have the macho facade. However, when and where do we draw the line at when a man is TOO sensetive?
I once heard on Sex and the City, "Are men just women with balls?" Good question. Yes everyone has feelings and yes they can be hurt. However, we all know that there are certain stereotypes that come with being a woman and being "overly emotional" and men showing no emotion at all. But what about the men that do show emotions?
I think if something is on anyone's sholders, whether its a man or woman, he or she should find a way to let it out. Talk to someone, write it out, do something physical. It doesn't matter. Sometimes when I'm feeling sad and I just want to cry, I watch a sad movie (usually The Notebook, Troy or A Little Princess) and I sit there and cry until I feel better. But what would we say if a man did that? Would we call him "soft"? I think if the load is that heavy, then crying helps.
In other cases there are those men who are the sensetive ones is relationships. One's that take every little thing you do as a shot at his ego. These men are sensetive and immature.
Not to put anyone on blast but this is my blog and if you read it and don't like it, then don't read it anymore.
Example: Chance.
Chance and I go to the same school. He and I have been talking on and off since July. Theres an attraction there however the most we've ever done is kiss. He's had two girlfriends since we've been to school. However, in July, he used to claim all the time that he wasn't going to be in any relationships until about Junior year. I knew this was all bullshit from the beginning but I humored him and sort of gave him the benefit of the doubt. But, just as I suspected, he ended up dating a girl about 3 weeks into the school year.
He and I remained friends. He sees me as one of the guys (which is nothing new to me because thats how I am with most guys). Then one day, he confessed to me that he likes me as more than a friend. He had broken up with his 1st girlfriend and was single again. So we decided to see where things would go and just be casual about everything. Soon he started to ask me to hang out with him and his friends. I declined most of the time because he and his friends would smoke and get high and I am just not into those things. I guess I hurt his feelings because he ended up deleting my phone number and hardly speaking to me.
When I finally did speak to him, we reconciled and things went back to before. We were really cool and then again he had a sort of temper tantrum. He was quick to say that he has given up on me because I keep turning him down when he brought up sex. That should have been the first sign to leave him alone because, to me, it sounded as though our friendship was just a ploy for him to get into my pants. Yes, having sex with him crossed my mind but I believe that if its going to happen, it will on its own. If its constantly asked for then its forced and sleezy. He apologized and said that his intentions were not to have sex then ditch me but he felt that he
was doing to much" when it came to me.
After that we were fine for a little while, however I started to see him in my dorm with another girl. I wasn't going to say anything to him about it because it wasn't my place. I was the one that said I want a friendship and that he can do as he pleases because he is not my boyfriend or anything. However, one night after he left the dorms, he messaged me to come to his house. I replied to him saying "No because you were in my dorm with another girl earlier who u say is just your friend. You could have stopped on my floor to see me but you didn't. I'm not leaving campus to go to your house, unless you pay for a cab for me or drive me to and from. But I doubt that will happen" That was that. I didn't hear from him for about a week.
I found out last night that he deleted me from facebook. I had to laugh because I wondered what I did this time. So I messaged him and asked. His response was that he felt as though I played him when I made the statement about how I knew he wasn't going to drive me back or pay for my cab. Are you as confused as I am people? How did I play him? Can someone clarify please? I just stated the obvious. He didn't have the money at that time to spend on cab faire nor did he have a car. I wasn't insulting him, I was just stating fact. Maybe it was how he read it. The internet can allow for misinterpretation. You can't hear the tone of voice that the person is speaking in. Whatever the reason, I felt as though he was just being way too sensetive.
I've told him before that he acts like a girl sometimes. Thats when he has the right to feel played. But its the honest truth. Why do guys that claim to have the whole "I don't give a fxck" attitude, have the biggest attitudes of all when they deal with a girl that does not care either? I feel that if he and I actually had a type of relationship then I'd care more but we do not so why is it that he acts this way? All I asked for is that when he and I are together, its just "Noelle time". I never said that he had to do anything else but have respect for me, and be friends.
Guys who have this complex should really reevaluate themsleves. Do not act one way and do another. Its confusing. If we are confused, then how can we act around you. Men complain about women being sensetive but they have moments too where I say that they must be going through something. I hate the stereotype of a woman who is upset must be on her period, but I have to apply it to some guys at times because the mood swings are ridiculous.
Chance has a girlfriend now. I guess they got together during the time they were hanging out and I was of doing my own thing. He's still cool when he's not having his momens and I wish him the best. But to my guys out there, if you feel a certain way, say it but don't do things that your GIRLFRIEND would do back of the 6th GRADE. Maturity people.
~Noelle
So about an hour after i posted this blog, CHance read it. You can only guess his reaction. Yes. He's angry and said that he no longer likes me and we are not cool anymore because I put his name is it. Oh well. I told him nt to read it. But maybe I should stop putting names in here. I'll think about it. As for him, his loss that he wants to be a big baby. Ha!
Sensetive men.
Its not a bad thing for a man to express his feelings. Men don't always have to have the macho facade. However, when and where do we draw the line at when a man is TOO sensetive?
I once heard on Sex and the City, "Are men just women with balls?" Good question. Yes everyone has feelings and yes they can be hurt. However, we all know that there are certain stereotypes that come with being a woman and being "overly emotional" and men showing no emotion at all. But what about the men that do show emotions?
I think if something is on anyone's sholders, whether its a man or woman, he or she should find a way to let it out. Talk to someone, write it out, do something physical. It doesn't matter. Sometimes when I'm feeling sad and I just want to cry, I watch a sad movie (usually The Notebook, Troy or A Little Princess) and I sit there and cry until I feel better. But what would we say if a man did that? Would we call him "soft"? I think if the load is that heavy, then crying helps.
In other cases there are those men who are the sensetive ones is relationships. One's that take every little thing you do as a shot at his ego. These men are sensetive and immature.
Not to put anyone on blast but this is my blog and if you read it and don't like it, then don't read it anymore.
Example: Chance.
Chance and I go to the same school. He and I have been talking on and off since July. Theres an attraction there however the most we've ever done is kiss. He's had two girlfriends since we've been to school. However, in July, he used to claim all the time that he wasn't going to be in any relationships until about Junior year. I knew this was all bullshit from the beginning but I humored him and sort of gave him the benefit of the doubt. But, just as I suspected, he ended up dating a girl about 3 weeks into the school year.
He and I remained friends. He sees me as one of the guys (which is nothing new to me because thats how I am with most guys). Then one day, he confessed to me that he likes me as more than a friend. He had broken up with his 1st girlfriend and was single again. So we decided to see where things would go and just be casual about everything. Soon he started to ask me to hang out with him and his friends. I declined most of the time because he and his friends would smoke and get high and I am just not into those things. I guess I hurt his feelings because he ended up deleting my phone number and hardly speaking to me.
When I finally did speak to him, we reconciled and things went back to before. We were really cool and then again he had a sort of temper tantrum. He was quick to say that he has given up on me because I keep turning him down when he brought up sex. That should have been the first sign to leave him alone because, to me, it sounded as though our friendship was just a ploy for him to get into my pants. Yes, having sex with him crossed my mind but I believe that if its going to happen, it will on its own. If its constantly asked for then its forced and sleezy. He apologized and said that his intentions were not to have sex then ditch me but he felt that he
was doing to much" when it came to me.
After that we were fine for a little while, however I started to see him in my dorm with another girl. I wasn't going to say anything to him about it because it wasn't my place. I was the one that said I want a friendship and that he can do as he pleases because he is not my boyfriend or anything. However, one night after he left the dorms, he messaged me to come to his house. I replied to him saying "No because you were in my dorm with another girl earlier who u say is just your friend. You could have stopped on my floor to see me but you didn't. I'm not leaving campus to go to your house, unless you pay for a cab for me or drive me to and from. But I doubt that will happen" That was that. I didn't hear from him for about a week.
I found out last night that he deleted me from facebook. I had to laugh because I wondered what I did this time. So I messaged him and asked. His response was that he felt as though I played him when I made the statement about how I knew he wasn't going to drive me back or pay for my cab. Are you as confused as I am people? How did I play him? Can someone clarify please? I just stated the obvious. He didn't have the money at that time to spend on cab faire nor did he have a car. I wasn't insulting him, I was just stating fact. Maybe it was how he read it. The internet can allow for misinterpretation. You can't hear the tone of voice that the person is speaking in. Whatever the reason, I felt as though he was just being way too sensetive.
I've told him before that he acts like a girl sometimes. Thats when he has the right to feel played. But its the honest truth. Why do guys that claim to have the whole "I don't give a fxck" attitude, have the biggest attitudes of all when they deal with a girl that does not care either? I feel that if he and I actually had a type of relationship then I'd care more but we do not so why is it that he acts this way? All I asked for is that when he and I are together, its just "Noelle time". I never said that he had to do anything else but have respect for me, and be friends.
Guys who have this complex should really reevaluate themsleves. Do not act one way and do another. Its confusing. If we are confused, then how can we act around you. Men complain about women being sensetive but they have moments too where I say that they must be going through something. I hate the stereotype of a woman who is upset must be on her period, but I have to apply it to some guys at times because the mood swings are ridiculous.
Chance has a girlfriend now. I guess they got together during the time they were hanging out and I was of doing my own thing. He's still cool when he's not having his momens and I wish him the best. But to my guys out there, if you feel a certain way, say it but don't do things that your GIRLFRIEND would do back of the 6th GRADE. Maturity people.
~Noelle
So about an hour after i posted this blog, CHance read it. You can only guess his reaction. Yes. He's angry and said that he no longer likes me and we are not cool anymore because I put his name is it. Oh well. I told him nt to read it. But maybe I should stop putting names in here. I'll think about it. As for him, his loss that he wants to be a big baby. Ha!
Saturday, May 2, 2009
We're Almost at the End
Okay so I have fallen off again. I'm sorry. But that is because I've been swamped with work from school. Why is it that teachers want to give the most work towards the END of the school year? Thats right. My fresh(wo)man in college is two weeks away from being over. *applause* =D
I can't believe it. Its been a bumpy road, thats for sure. But I survived. I made it without getting pregnant, or an STD, or a bad reputation. Thats because I haven't done anything to earn those things. Go Noelle! Go Noelle! Go Noelle!
Right now i'm doing laundry and I should be doing my homework, but I can't seem to motivate myself right now. Which I have to find a way to do it soon since I have a presentation and research paper due on Monday morning at 8:00 AM...YIKES!
But I'm going to blog instead because I've been neglecting you.
Too bad I really don't have much to blog about. Hmmmm.....I think I'll ponder on it more and come back to this a little later. Besides, I really do have to finish this work.
I can't believe it. Its been a bumpy road, thats for sure. But I survived. I made it without getting pregnant, or an STD, or a bad reputation. Thats because I haven't done anything to earn those things. Go Noelle! Go Noelle! Go Noelle!
Right now i'm doing laundry and I should be doing my homework, but I can't seem to motivate myself right now. Which I have to find a way to do it soon since I have a presentation and research paper due on Monday morning at 8:00 AM...YIKES!
But I'm going to blog instead because I've been neglecting you.
Too bad I really don't have much to blog about. Hmmmm.....I think I'll ponder on it more and come back to this a little later. Besides, I really do have to finish this work.
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