Today I feel invisible.
I don't know why exactly but thats how I feel today.
I feel lke I'm alone out here at school. As if I have no one to really talk to. I have friends out here but after a little drama from earlier in the year, things just don't feel the same.
As for the guy in my history class, lets just say it did not go as i hoped it wold have. Oh well.
I seem to have a problem where if I like somene, one of my friends ends up liking them as well. And because I don't want to seem as if I'm stepping on anybody's toes, I quicky stand off from the situation. I do this because I've seen how girls can get with eachother when they like the same guy.
My very good friend, Stephanie, that came to college with me from high school, wen through it. She's a natural flirt. She does it without even knowing. Well when she started flirting with guys that our other friends liked, she came off as sneaky and it gave her a small stain on her repuatation when it was all an innocent misunderstanding. The last thing I want is to seem like I am crossing my friend.
I personally believe that if a guy likes you, then he will show interest. If he shows interest in another friend rather than me, I just get over it and move on. But lately its been happening a lot. There are guys I've had tiny crushes on that my friends don't know about because they started to like them and talk to them on terms that were more than friendly. I'm beginning to get very frustrated and feeling helpless.
There is this guy now that I've thought is cute for awhile but I heard that one of my friends might be interested. So here I am now debating whether I should pursue or not.
Monique told me that I have to stop being so nice and go after what I want. If I could without worrying about looking like a selfish slut then fine. But I haven't found a way to do that yet.
Guys can just go after the same girl and laugh about it later but its not exactly the same thing when it comes to girls. Girls have emotions. Guys do too, but sometimes they are more capable of putting their feelings aside for the sake of having sex.
Anywhoo I have a headache from the florecent light in my dorm that is blinking uncontrolably so I'm going to wrap this up and have a juice box.
~Noelle
P.S. HAPPY BIRTHDAY MIKE!!!!! Luv ya lil buddy =)xoxox
umm check out his blog, and his music. I dont even listen to much rap but is mixtape is really good. http://www.mikeclassic.blogspot.com/ is his blog, www.myspace.com/classicwilliams is his music page. Go Go Go!
Friday, January 30, 2009
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
And it feels like....
Hello hello!
Well I didn't go to the game last night. Instead, I went grocery shopping with my older cousin. I picked up my special K cereal and snacks and other healthy things for my dorm room. The special K diet is supposed to be good. Two bowls a day; one for breakfast and one for lunch. Then whatever I want for dinner. And in two weeks, I should be 6 lbs lighter. So we shall see.
Now, on to whats been on my mind.
Last night, while in the car with my cousin, Alicia Key's song, "You Don't Know My Name", came on the radio. I've heard the song about 1,000,001 times before, but for some reason, last night I felt differently while listening to it.
The song is about a girl falling for a guy that doesn't notice her. She sings about how she pictures their first date and first kiss and a romantic relationship. It kinda seems like stalker behavior but I can relate.
I always find my self as standing on the sidelines. Guys don't usually notice me and when they do, I give off the "home girl" vibe. I become a friend and thats how things stay.
Being a friend isn't so bad but there have been guys that I befriended when originally I was interested in them but they just did not see me that way. I'm just very awkward when it comes to flirting. I just don't know how to. Partly because I don't want to give off the wrong idea and partly because I don't want to look or feel stupid. I've also been told that I sometimes have a mean look on my face that can scare people off.
My friend, BJ, told me about this method he uses to get a girl interested or at least make them a little more curious. He told me to look at a guy and smile then look away and wait a few seconds then look again and smile again. Its supposed to work for him everytime but I never tried because I don't want to look like a total dweeb.
But I think this year I should come out of my shell a bit. Jean says I act like I'm 14. Although 14 year olds do a lot more than I do sometimes. But I see what he's trying to say.
So there is this guy in my history class that I think is pretty cute. Maybe I'll try "the look" on him or just simply say hi.
~Noelle
Well I didn't go to the game last night. Instead, I went grocery shopping with my older cousin. I picked up my special K cereal and snacks and other healthy things for my dorm room. The special K diet is supposed to be good. Two bowls a day; one for breakfast and one for lunch. Then whatever I want for dinner. And in two weeks, I should be 6 lbs lighter. So we shall see.
Now, on to whats been on my mind.
Last night, while in the car with my cousin, Alicia Key's song, "You Don't Know My Name", came on the radio. I've heard the song about 1,000,001 times before, but for some reason, last night I felt differently while listening to it.
The song is about a girl falling for a guy that doesn't notice her. She sings about how she pictures their first date and first kiss and a romantic relationship. It kinda seems like stalker behavior but I can relate.
I always find my self as standing on the sidelines. Guys don't usually notice me and when they do, I give off the "home girl" vibe. I become a friend and thats how things stay.
Being a friend isn't so bad but there have been guys that I befriended when originally I was interested in them but they just did not see me that way. I'm just very awkward when it comes to flirting. I just don't know how to. Partly because I don't want to give off the wrong idea and partly because I don't want to look or feel stupid. I've also been told that I sometimes have a mean look on my face that can scare people off.
My friend, BJ, told me about this method he uses to get a girl interested or at least make them a little more curious. He told me to look at a guy and smile then look away and wait a few seconds then look again and smile again. Its supposed to work for him everytime but I never tried because I don't want to look like a total dweeb.
But I think this year I should come out of my shell a bit. Jean says I act like I'm 14. Although 14 year olds do a lot more than I do sometimes. But I see what he's trying to say.
So there is this guy in my history class that I think is pretty cute. Maybe I'll try "the look" on him or just simply say hi.
~Noelle
Monday, January 26, 2009
Miscellaneous
Good Morning, beautiful people!
Today was the first day of class. My first class is from 8-8:50 AM and my last class is from 9-9:50 AM. So I think that my Mondays will be pretty great!
I absolutly LOOOOOOOVE my English class!!!!! My professor is so pleasant. She wore a royal purple skirt and jacket suit. She has a nice, sweet voice with a hint of her Baltimore, Maryland accent. I could tell from the first 5 minutes that I'd like her.
And, the choice of book that we're reading for is class is another bonus. We'll be reading Their Eyes Were Watching God by Zora Neil Hurston. I first read the book my sophomore year in high school with one of my favorite teachers then as my english teacher. I LOVED it. Of coarse, its a romance. Typical of me, I know. And the research paper will be based on it as weel. The topics we have to choose from are so great! I'm really looking forward to this class. English is always my favorite class simply because i excell in it. But very few teachers can actually mak eit on my list of enjoyable classes. Professor Madry just made it.
Anywhoooo
My cousin Amanda has fallen in love.
Yes. Amanda.
The same cousin Amanda that I mentioned before as a tough cookie and not exactly a fan of the mushy stuff.
She told me yesterday. I was in shock for a little while. It was as if her whole attitude had done a complete 360. Even her away message had changed. She was even excited for Valentine's Day! Another one bites the dust. It seems that my fellow passangers on the singles' train are getting smaller in number day by day. I do wish her the best though.
Well thats it for now. The day hasn't really started yet so maybe I'll be back with more events to recollect on. We're havng lunch at 12:00.
Toodles! =)
~Noelle
Its 1:36 PM. I just finished lunch. And I have fallen into deeeeeeeep infatuation(key word is infatuation). Here's the story:
So I met up with my friends Lavel, Monique, Raina, Samyra, Kelleeya, Britt, Dez and the boys (too many ppl to name)to eat lunch in The Canteen. The Canteen is whee most people hang out in our student center. There's food and space for friends so its one of my favorite spots to go.
Anywhooooo
So for lunch I had a sandwich. Wheat bread, mustard, lettus, one slice of chedder cheese, salami and pepperoni with a side of lays potatoe chips and a bottle of water. I'm eating better already! =). Back to buisness though. I sat and ate my sndwich. We were laughing and joking as usual. Then, Des brings up the topic of the new students. I hadn't seen any though. Then at a table close to our's, Britt pointed out 3 young men. I'd never seen them before but that doesn't mean they were new students.
Monique told Shante to ask if they were new. We asked Shante to do it because she talks to any and everybody. I didn't fully pay attention to them until Shante had began to speak. And that when I saw him.
It sounds cliche but I didn't hear one word that was said because all I saw was him. He was the most attractive guy I've seen on campus. His whole style was just me. He was tall, light skin, short hair cut, with a neatly trimmed goatee. He looked a bit older. At first glance he reminded me of Bryan White from Stomp the Yard. My nostrils flared when I saw him. You can always tell if I find a guy attractive if my nostrils flare. I don't know why it happens. Its just a natural reaction.
I snapped back to reality quickly though but still aware of his presence. I doubted he even saw me but I still made sure that I sat up straight and wasn't too loud in order to not sound obnoxious.
We left the Canteen soon after and as we passed the table, Samyra went to hug him and say hello. I immediatly asked who he was and she laughed at me because I will admit I sounded a bit too eager. I laughed at myself too. She told me that she knew him from one of her classes.
But thats all that happened at lunch. I hope i run into him again and something allows me the oppurtunity to speak.
Lavel is calling me so I must go. There is a basketball game later tonight. If something worth writing about happens, I'll be right back with pt. 3 of this post.
Byyeeee
Today was the first day of class. My first class is from 8-8:50 AM and my last class is from 9-9:50 AM. So I think that my Mondays will be pretty great!
I absolutly LOOOOOOOVE my English class!!!!! My professor is so pleasant. She wore a royal purple skirt and jacket suit. She has a nice, sweet voice with a hint of her Baltimore, Maryland accent. I could tell from the first 5 minutes that I'd like her.
And, the choice of book that we're reading for is class is another bonus. We'll be reading Their Eyes Were Watching God by Zora Neil Hurston. I first read the book my sophomore year in high school with one of my favorite teachers then as my english teacher. I LOVED it. Of coarse, its a romance. Typical of me, I know. And the research paper will be based on it as weel. The topics we have to choose from are so great! I'm really looking forward to this class. English is always my favorite class simply because i excell in it. But very few teachers can actually mak eit on my list of enjoyable classes. Professor Madry just made it.
Anywhoooo
My cousin Amanda has fallen in love.
Yes. Amanda.
The same cousin Amanda that I mentioned before as a tough cookie and not exactly a fan of the mushy stuff.
She told me yesterday. I was in shock for a little while. It was as if her whole attitude had done a complete 360. Even her away message had changed. She was even excited for Valentine's Day! Another one bites the dust. It seems that my fellow passangers on the singles' train are getting smaller in number day by day. I do wish her the best though.
Well thats it for now. The day hasn't really started yet so maybe I'll be back with more events to recollect on. We're havng lunch at 12:00.
Toodles! =)
~Noelle
Its 1:36 PM. I just finished lunch. And I have fallen into deeeeeeeep infatuation(key word is infatuation). Here's the story:
So I met up with my friends Lavel, Monique, Raina, Samyra, Kelleeya, Britt, Dez and the boys (too many ppl to name)to eat lunch in The Canteen. The Canteen is whee most people hang out in our student center. There's food and space for friends so its one of my favorite spots to go.
Anywhooooo
So for lunch I had a sandwich. Wheat bread, mustard, lettus, one slice of chedder cheese, salami and pepperoni with a side of lays potatoe chips and a bottle of water. I'm eating better already! =). Back to buisness though. I sat and ate my sndwich. We were laughing and joking as usual. Then, Des brings up the topic of the new students. I hadn't seen any though. Then at a table close to our's, Britt pointed out 3 young men. I'd never seen them before but that doesn't mean they were new students.
Monique told Shante to ask if they were new. We asked Shante to do it because she talks to any and everybody. I didn't fully pay attention to them until Shante had began to speak. And that when I saw him.
It sounds cliche but I didn't hear one word that was said because all I saw was him. He was the most attractive guy I've seen on campus. His whole style was just me. He was tall, light skin, short hair cut, with a neatly trimmed goatee. He looked a bit older. At first glance he reminded me of Bryan White from Stomp the Yard. My nostrils flared when I saw him. You can always tell if I find a guy attractive if my nostrils flare. I don't know why it happens. Its just a natural reaction.
I snapped back to reality quickly though but still aware of his presence. I doubted he even saw me but I still made sure that I sat up straight and wasn't too loud in order to not sound obnoxious.
We left the Canteen soon after and as we passed the table, Samyra went to hug him and say hello. I immediatly asked who he was and she laughed at me because I will admit I sounded a bit too eager. I laughed at myself too. She told me that she knew him from one of her classes.
But thats all that happened at lunch. I hope i run into him again and something allows me the oppurtunity to speak.
Lavel is calling me so I must go. There is a basketball game later tonight. If something worth writing about happens, I'll be right back with pt. 3 of this post.
Byyeeee
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Cuffing Season
this is old but it felt appropriate. I wrote this about a month ago on my facebook. I decided to share it with you guys here on my blog.
Cuffing season is apparently here. What is cuffing season? Well, technically, it’s a time, usually when the weather gets colder, when young adults begin their search for love. Love or something close to it. It is usually brought on by the thought of not being able to go out every night and party and meet attractive people that are willing to have sex with no strings attached. Another factor is the unavoidable fact that the holidays are just a romantic time of year.So as I sit here in my living room, watching yet another movie about falling in love, and on Facebook, I notice a kind of outbreak of announcements of new relationships. And at that moment, I began to cry. Not a sobbing, obnoxious crying, but a few tears and a sniffle. I wasn’t crying because I was happy for my friends, though I am happy for them. I cried because, as shallow as it seems, the first thought that came to my mind was “What about me?” My best friends are falling in love everywhere I turn and here I am, after a year of being single, still unhappy. Why? I’m in love with a guy who is in love with someone else and yet can still tell me he loves me and is capable of cheating on her with me, just as he cheated on me with her. He was my first love. My first heart break. My first everything. When I think of him, there are too many emotions to even think of at one time. Love, hatred, longing, scorn, lust, revenge. I want him to feel the pain that I feel and I want him to be happy all at the same time.I watch everyone else in their relationships and I form my opinions. Some of my friends call what they are feeling love when in actuality, its infatuation at its peak and it will soon be over. Other friends are finally making things work for them with people that they have cared about for a long time. All these things make me think and feel. I think about how much I wish I had these things and I feel angry towards the people who take it for granted.When I congratulated my friend on his new relationship and he said to me “everyone else is cuffin’, so I figured why not join the bandwagon?”, my heart felt a twinge. How could he say that? Then I remembered that not everyone is an advocate for love like myself. Not everyone thinks about one day being in love and truly happy. Maybe to some, love is something that is nice to think about and maybe experience but its nothing too serious. Thoughts like that hurt but they are a sad reality. If this is so then why have people developed this train of thought? Does it come from having been heartbroken and learning to shield yourself from it ever happening again? Is it learned? Is it just something that happens with no explaination. Can it be reversed? Will people start to appreciate love one day? The truth is I don’t have those answers. I do fear though that the answers will reveal themselves at be answers that I will not like.Why is it that the girl who would do any and everything for someone she loves, is constantly alone and unloved? I know life isn’t fair but is it that unfair? Is it that impossible? Will I forever remain the single friend that listens to problems and yet can never be consoled by someone she cares about? I don’t ask these things to seem self centered but I can’t help but to wonder. Isn’t it human nature to wan t be cared about? Or is it just MY nature? If being in love was portrayed as a war, would I be the last solider standing? Should I wave the white flag and give up? As far as cuffing season is concerned, I think its stupid because love shouldn’t be for a season. It should be for a lifetime. It should be forever. It IS forever. And I’m ready for my forever but forever is taking forever to get here. Try as I might, being the positive and optimistic romantic is hard work.For those who are single as well and aren’t as upset as I am, this may seem foolish and stupid, but I can’t help how I feel. You may be one of those people I mentioned earlier but I certainly am not. But again I’m asking, why is the #1 supporter of love, love-resistant?
Cuffing season is apparently here. What is cuffing season? Well, technically, it’s a time, usually when the weather gets colder, when young adults begin their search for love. Love or something close to it. It is usually brought on by the thought of not being able to go out every night and party and meet attractive people that are willing to have sex with no strings attached. Another factor is the unavoidable fact that the holidays are just a romantic time of year.So as I sit here in my living room, watching yet another movie about falling in love, and on Facebook, I notice a kind of outbreak of announcements of new relationships. And at that moment, I began to cry. Not a sobbing, obnoxious crying, but a few tears and a sniffle. I wasn’t crying because I was happy for my friends, though I am happy for them. I cried because, as shallow as it seems, the first thought that came to my mind was “What about me?” My best friends are falling in love everywhere I turn and here I am, after a year of being single, still unhappy. Why? I’m in love with a guy who is in love with someone else and yet can still tell me he loves me and is capable of cheating on her with me, just as he cheated on me with her. He was my first love. My first heart break. My first everything. When I think of him, there are too many emotions to even think of at one time. Love, hatred, longing, scorn, lust, revenge. I want him to feel the pain that I feel and I want him to be happy all at the same time.I watch everyone else in their relationships and I form my opinions. Some of my friends call what they are feeling love when in actuality, its infatuation at its peak and it will soon be over. Other friends are finally making things work for them with people that they have cared about for a long time. All these things make me think and feel. I think about how much I wish I had these things and I feel angry towards the people who take it for granted.When I congratulated my friend on his new relationship and he said to me “everyone else is cuffin’, so I figured why not join the bandwagon?”, my heart felt a twinge. How could he say that? Then I remembered that not everyone is an advocate for love like myself. Not everyone thinks about one day being in love and truly happy. Maybe to some, love is something that is nice to think about and maybe experience but its nothing too serious. Thoughts like that hurt but they are a sad reality. If this is so then why have people developed this train of thought? Does it come from having been heartbroken and learning to shield yourself from it ever happening again? Is it learned? Is it just something that happens with no explaination. Can it be reversed? Will people start to appreciate love one day? The truth is I don’t have those answers. I do fear though that the answers will reveal themselves at be answers that I will not like.Why is it that the girl who would do any and everything for someone she loves, is constantly alone and unloved? I know life isn’t fair but is it that unfair? Is it that impossible? Will I forever remain the single friend that listens to problems and yet can never be consoled by someone she cares about? I don’t ask these things to seem self centered but I can’t help but to wonder. Isn’t it human nature to wan t be cared about? Or is it just MY nature? If being in love was portrayed as a war, would I be the last solider standing? Should I wave the white flag and give up? As far as cuffing season is concerned, I think its stupid because love shouldn’t be for a season. It should be for a lifetime. It should be forever. It IS forever. And I’m ready for my forever but forever is taking forever to get here. Try as I might, being the positive and optimistic romantic is hard work.For those who are single as well and aren’t as upset as I am, this may seem foolish and stupid, but I can’t help how I feel. You may be one of those people I mentioned earlier but I certainly am not. But again I’m asking, why is the #1 supporter of love, love-resistant?
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Where are the benefits?
Hellooooooo, world! First I'd like to acknowledge the fact that The United States of America has it's first African American PRESIDENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Wooooooooooooooooo!
Okay moving on.
I'm having one of those days when your self esteem level has hit a low. I've been informed that I've gained enough weight to look like I am in the 2nd trimester of a pregnancy. NO BUENOOOO!!!!! Its not my fault that I LOVE food. But maybe it is my fault that I don't eat the right foods nor do I excercise. I used to dance every Saturday from 9:00 a.m until 5:00 p.m. Now, I get no kind of physical activity except walking from class to class. I haven't even done that much for a whole 6 weeks.
I say that I'll be going to he gym at school. We'll see how that holds up. I just need the motivation. Maybe looking knocked up is motivation enough.
In other news! I have been thinking about something that seems to be getting more and more popular each day. The concept of friends with benefits. Or as I call it, "friends with bennies." they are also known as fuck buddies, cutty buddies, and things of that nature. I once heard Samantha Jones on Sex and the City refer to it as "dial-a-dick". Whatever you want to call it, they all mean about the same thing. Its someone you have a physical relationship with without the emotional attachment or commitment. But here is the question: Are we really benefiting from having friends with benefits?
I'll be honest. I've had a friend with bennies a few times. I currently have one, however, he lives in New York while i'm away at school, so the physical part is very limited. In fact, it is mostly friendship. But from my past experiences with this lifestyle (I say lifestyle because it is one and one of choice) the benefits only last but for so long. After awhile, they become one sided. I think you know what i mean. Is it possible for the two parties to continue to give themselves physically to eachother on numerus occasions, willingly, and still harbor no feelings of affection or romance for eachother? I've seen it done once or twice before, but how long can someone resist feeling and only care about the physical? Is there really NO emotion there? Have we become animalistic in our search for instant gratification?
Of coarse it is clear that I would much rather have an emotional relationship with someone than a strictly physical one, but I must admit that sex as well as the actions that lead up to doing the deed, do have very nice affects on me. To be frank, I enjoy sex very much. But is it enough to set aside my emotions for? At times I don't think so. Other times, I think its the easiest thing ever.
For example, my current friend with bennies and I are quite friendly. We speak just about everyday. I first met him last year through a mutual friend. Right off the bat we knew that there was a sexual attraction, but, evidence of anything else was not clear. As time went on, the friendship grew, without any actual physical contact. Then, before I left for school, it happened. And afterwards, there were no feelings of romance. To us and and our friends, we were just having fun. When it happened again the second time, we started off watching tv in his livingroom, found ourselves in his bedroom, then afterwards we ended up in his livingroom again,talking to about a crush I have on another guy and how I should work on my approach. It was as if a few minutes ago I wasn't looking at the reflection of us in a mirror on the headboard of his bed. Kinky I know. But I can't help but wonder, will this feeling of strictly friendliness last? And since I value our friendship so very much, do I want to risk one of us (honestly me more than him because, well, I AM and always will be a sucker for love) beginning to seek more than just the physical side of things?
What about those of us that use being friends with benefits as a means of getting to another's heart? I have a friend that thought this would work and at the end of it, the guy ened up hitting on me and he and I dated for about a year or two on and off. She never knew and still doesn't know actually and I havent spoken to the guy in about a year.
So where are the real benefits? Sure, there are no worries about cheating because he or she is not your boyfriend/girlfriend. And yes you can avoid other stressor that come with relationships, too. But for how long? Is there an agreement to not sleep with other people? If so, why not commit to one another? You can't say that there is no jealousy, because once someone gets more attention than you, that green eyed monster is likely to show its face and its true nature.
Not to say that innocent fun is wrong. We're in a new time where sex is open and free. But some of these friends with benefits aren't even really FRIENDS at all. Some are just people we know to call when in heat. Its a quick and easy fix, but so is taping up a leak in a pipe. it will hold but for so long.
On that note, I'll wrap things up. I'm heading back to school of Friday. Back to the realities of learning. I'm over joyed. That was sarcasim of coarse. So until next time, you stay classy hahaha.
~Noelle
P.S. I LOVE YOU, BRITTNEY D.!!!! xoxo
Okay moving on.
I'm having one of those days when your self esteem level has hit a low. I've been informed that I've gained enough weight to look like I am in the 2nd trimester of a pregnancy. NO BUENOOOO!!!!! Its not my fault that I LOVE food. But maybe it is my fault that I don't eat the right foods nor do I excercise. I used to dance every Saturday from 9:00 a.m until 5:00 p.m. Now, I get no kind of physical activity except walking from class to class. I haven't even done that much for a whole 6 weeks.
I say that I'll be going to he gym at school. We'll see how that holds up. I just need the motivation. Maybe looking knocked up is motivation enough.
In other news! I have been thinking about something that seems to be getting more and more popular each day. The concept of friends with benefits. Or as I call it, "friends with bennies." they are also known as fuck buddies, cutty buddies, and things of that nature. I once heard Samantha Jones on Sex and the City refer to it as "dial-a-dick". Whatever you want to call it, they all mean about the same thing. Its someone you have a physical relationship with without the emotional attachment or commitment. But here is the question: Are we really benefiting from having friends with benefits?
I'll be honest. I've had a friend with bennies a few times. I currently have one, however, he lives in New York while i'm away at school, so the physical part is very limited. In fact, it is mostly friendship. But from my past experiences with this lifestyle (I say lifestyle because it is one and one of choice) the benefits only last but for so long. After awhile, they become one sided. I think you know what i mean. Is it possible for the two parties to continue to give themselves physically to eachother on numerus occasions, willingly, and still harbor no feelings of affection or romance for eachother? I've seen it done once or twice before, but how long can someone resist feeling and only care about the physical? Is there really NO emotion there? Have we become animalistic in our search for instant gratification?
Of coarse it is clear that I would much rather have an emotional relationship with someone than a strictly physical one, but I must admit that sex as well as the actions that lead up to doing the deed, do have very nice affects on me. To be frank, I enjoy sex very much. But is it enough to set aside my emotions for? At times I don't think so. Other times, I think its the easiest thing ever.
For example, my current friend with bennies and I are quite friendly. We speak just about everyday. I first met him last year through a mutual friend. Right off the bat we knew that there was a sexual attraction, but, evidence of anything else was not clear. As time went on, the friendship grew, without any actual physical contact. Then, before I left for school, it happened. And afterwards, there were no feelings of romance. To us and and our friends, we were just having fun. When it happened again the second time, we started off watching tv in his livingroom, found ourselves in his bedroom, then afterwards we ended up in his livingroom again,talking to about a crush I have on another guy and how I should work on my approach. It was as if a few minutes ago I wasn't looking at the reflection of us in a mirror on the headboard of his bed. Kinky I know. But I can't help but wonder, will this feeling of strictly friendliness last? And since I value our friendship so very much, do I want to risk one of us (honestly me more than him because, well, I AM and always will be a sucker for love) beginning to seek more than just the physical side of things?
What about those of us that use being friends with benefits as a means of getting to another's heart? I have a friend that thought this would work and at the end of it, the guy ened up hitting on me and he and I dated for about a year or two on and off. She never knew and still doesn't know actually and I havent spoken to the guy in about a year.
So where are the real benefits? Sure, there are no worries about cheating because he or she is not your boyfriend/girlfriend. And yes you can avoid other stressor that come with relationships, too. But for how long? Is there an agreement to not sleep with other people? If so, why not commit to one another? You can't say that there is no jealousy, because once someone gets more attention than you, that green eyed monster is likely to show its face and its true nature.
Not to say that innocent fun is wrong. We're in a new time where sex is open and free. But some of these friends with benefits aren't even really FRIENDS at all. Some are just people we know to call when in heat. Its a quick and easy fix, but so is taping up a leak in a pipe. it will hold but for so long.
On that note, I'll wrap things up. I'm heading back to school of Friday. Back to the realities of learning. I'm over joyed. That was sarcasim of coarse. So until next time, you stay classy hahaha.
~Noelle
P.S. I LOVE YOU, BRITTNEY D.!!!! xoxo
Monday, January 12, 2009
Drew
Here we go! Number four!!!!
So my first love just came to visit me. His name is Drew. Drew and I first met my sophomore year in highschool. He actually found me online on blackplanet.com and reached out to me through that. It just so happened, though, that he and I had mutual friends.
Drew is my stereotypical guy. He is tall and light skin. No offense to my darker guys, but I went through a period in my adolsence where the yellower you were, the more I was attarcted to you. This was also around the time when Chris Brown (who I still think is GORGEOUS!) had just made an appearance on the music scene and Drew in some manners resembles him. Needless to say, it did not take long for me to fall for him.
However, when I met Drew, I was already in what I thought was a relationship. I never told him this though because my "boyfriend" lived in Brooklyn and I never saw him so to me we were only together when we spoke. Drew had asked me to be his girlfriend about two times before I actually said yes. Once it was on his birthday and he was so high, I felt badly accepting because I wondered if it really meant anything at all.
By the end of sophomore year, Drew had sort of fallin off the map. I still hadn't accept being his girlfriend and we did not speak as much. Until my friend, who was also a friend of his, had invited us both to her sweet sixteen. I had spoken to Drew online and asked if he as going and he told me that he was. Then he asked me to be his date for the party. I accepted and was excited. I HAD to get a new dress and everything because I couldn't let him see me not looking my best.
At the party though, we danced only once and he spent most of the evening outside talking to another girl, who didn't like me very much but really liked him. I thought that that was the end of Drew and I until he reached out to me a few days later, explaining he had no interest in that girl. He and I spent the summer constantly on the phone and when we weren't on the phone, we were texting non-stop. So much so that my mother was furious with me when she saw the cell phone bill.
Finally, one night while texting eachother when I should have been asleep, he sent me one of the sweetest texts I've ever recieved. He said quite simply, "Noelle, would you be my sweetheart?" And this time, I said yes with no hesitation at all. So on July 22, 2006, Drew became my official boyfriend. And I was the happiest girl in the world. The rest of the summer went by quickly, although I didn't see him. But, on the first day back to school, he came to see me and we shared our first kiss right there in front of his friends.
For the first month, I was in heaven. He came everyday afterschool to see me and we'd spend about two hours just making out in the train station. Teenage love affairs aren't always very subtle. Then, one of the biggest events of my life happened. On October 16, 2006, I lost my virginity. The wole thing was unplanned yet I knew it'd happen when he came over. I won't get into details about it. My friends know the story. But by the end of it I had a broken light fixture in my room and he had blood on the collar of his shirt. I'll let you use your imaginations. At that moment, I knew I loved him. And I knew we'd last. But as I wrote at the beginning of the blog, Drew is now my ex.
About two weeks after he and I had sex, things fell apart. Another mutal friend of ours had a sweet sixteen and he went. I couldn't go because I was in trouble and was grounded. I heard he was the life of the party though. After the party, however, his behavior really began to change. He stood me up after school, and he stopped calling as much. I knew something was wrong. Needless to say my friends and I figured that he was only in it for the sex and now that he got it, it was over. Then, the stories of the party began to really surface. I was informed that he was high and drunk at the party and being quite friendly with another girl there. It was also said that he was heard telling the girl, "you're gonna make me cheat on my girlfriend."
Now, I'm not one to accuse off of he said, she said, so I simply asked him how the party was and if he behaved. He responded with "Of coarse, Boo." and I let it go. Then, one Saturday night, what seemed to be at the time my entire world, came crashing down. My friend that had the sweet sixteen over the summer had called me and told me that Drew had cheated on me at the party with the girl that everyone told me about that was with him at the party.
When I tell you that I could not breathe, I literally mean it. My chest felt as though it was about to cave in. Even now, two years later, Tears still come to my eyes when I remember it. I was filled with feelings of hate, saddness, betrayal and stupidity. How could he do that? How could I have trusted him and given him the most precious thing I had to offer and he throw it away? So many questions and feelings hit me at one time it was hard to think straight.
Then there was the girl. I wanted her dead. I wanted her to feel how much I was hurting. She was bragging about what they had done and knew that I was his girlfriend. She would have to pay for that. Its one thing to not know, its quite another to know and not care.
I broke up with him the very next day. But I never really let him go. We had even tried to get back together but I learned that he and the girl had started seeing eachother. It was then I made my first attempt at cutting him off.
After Drew, my choices when it came to guys weren't the best. I even ended up messing with someone who had a girlfriend and basically doing the same that had been done to me. It was terrible. No one was Drew. I couldn't shake him. Once he even called out of the blue but I was still hurting too much to be civil towards him. He apologized and we tried to be friends but in the back of my mind I knew it was impossible. I even schemed to have sex with him and let the girl find out so that they both could feel a tenth of what I had felt and had been feeling for almost a year.
Two years later, Drew and I are now friends and I've gotten over him being with that girl. They just made two years together. But, while I was at school, he and I spoke and I told him that I love him and I always have and probably always will. He told me he had felt the same and never told me because he was afraid. Needless to say old feelings came rushing back and we were back to calling eachother "boo" and acting as though he didn't have a girlfriend at all.
But I know the truth and so does he. Which is why I've decided that it might be time to close that chapter of my life. I love him but, this isn't healthy. To sit and watch him love someone else is too much for me. Sure he says he loves me too, but, he doesn't love me enough to leave her for me. And even still, would that even work? I'm away at school and he is still here.
Drew is one of those people in your life that u can never get out of your system no matter what. But those people aren't always the best thing for you. I would say that if I am Carrie Bradshaw, Drew is Mr. Big. But he is only Mr. Big in the sense that I can never let him go and that everytime he comes back around, I forgive him and let him back in. The whole getting married after ten years of back and forth part doesn't seem realistic at all. How can i ever be happy with someone else when I keep comparing them to what he and I had, even if it was short lived. I even feel some times that the chance to actually see where we'd end up was taken away from me.
I've said to him that everything happens for a reason and that if he and I hadn't broken up, he wouldn't be as happy as he is now with his girlfriend but its actually me trying to convince myself. Is it really fair that after everything, I'm still alone and he's happy?
Tonight wasn't a long visit. I was literally 5 minutes or less. He came an I gave him his Christmas gift and we said good bye. I don't know if I'm ready for that to have been our finaly goodbye but I know I have to take a step towards "I'll see you later"
~Noelle
So my first love just came to visit me. His name is Drew. Drew and I first met my sophomore year in highschool. He actually found me online on blackplanet.com and reached out to me through that. It just so happened, though, that he and I had mutual friends.
Drew is my stereotypical guy. He is tall and light skin. No offense to my darker guys, but I went through a period in my adolsence where the yellower you were, the more I was attarcted to you. This was also around the time when Chris Brown (who I still think is GORGEOUS!) had just made an appearance on the music scene and Drew in some manners resembles him. Needless to say, it did not take long for me to fall for him.
However, when I met Drew, I was already in what I thought was a relationship. I never told him this though because my "boyfriend" lived in Brooklyn and I never saw him so to me we were only together when we spoke. Drew had asked me to be his girlfriend about two times before I actually said yes. Once it was on his birthday and he was so high, I felt badly accepting because I wondered if it really meant anything at all.
By the end of sophomore year, Drew had sort of fallin off the map. I still hadn't accept being his girlfriend and we did not speak as much. Until my friend, who was also a friend of his, had invited us both to her sweet sixteen. I had spoken to Drew online and asked if he as going and he told me that he was. Then he asked me to be his date for the party. I accepted and was excited. I HAD to get a new dress and everything because I couldn't let him see me not looking my best.
At the party though, we danced only once and he spent most of the evening outside talking to another girl, who didn't like me very much but really liked him. I thought that that was the end of Drew and I until he reached out to me a few days later, explaining he had no interest in that girl. He and I spent the summer constantly on the phone and when we weren't on the phone, we were texting non-stop. So much so that my mother was furious with me when she saw the cell phone bill.
Finally, one night while texting eachother when I should have been asleep, he sent me one of the sweetest texts I've ever recieved. He said quite simply, "Noelle, would you be my sweetheart?" And this time, I said yes with no hesitation at all. So on July 22, 2006, Drew became my official boyfriend. And I was the happiest girl in the world. The rest of the summer went by quickly, although I didn't see him. But, on the first day back to school, he came to see me and we shared our first kiss right there in front of his friends.
For the first month, I was in heaven. He came everyday afterschool to see me and we'd spend about two hours just making out in the train station. Teenage love affairs aren't always very subtle. Then, one of the biggest events of my life happened. On October 16, 2006, I lost my virginity. The wole thing was unplanned yet I knew it'd happen when he came over. I won't get into details about it. My friends know the story. But by the end of it I had a broken light fixture in my room and he had blood on the collar of his shirt. I'll let you use your imaginations. At that moment, I knew I loved him. And I knew we'd last. But as I wrote at the beginning of the blog, Drew is now my ex.
About two weeks after he and I had sex, things fell apart. Another mutal friend of ours had a sweet sixteen and he went. I couldn't go because I was in trouble and was grounded. I heard he was the life of the party though. After the party, however, his behavior really began to change. He stood me up after school, and he stopped calling as much. I knew something was wrong. Needless to say my friends and I figured that he was only in it for the sex and now that he got it, it was over. Then, the stories of the party began to really surface. I was informed that he was high and drunk at the party and being quite friendly with another girl there. It was also said that he was heard telling the girl, "you're gonna make me cheat on my girlfriend."
Now, I'm not one to accuse off of he said, she said, so I simply asked him how the party was and if he behaved. He responded with "Of coarse, Boo." and I let it go. Then, one Saturday night, what seemed to be at the time my entire world, came crashing down. My friend that had the sweet sixteen over the summer had called me and told me that Drew had cheated on me at the party with the girl that everyone told me about that was with him at the party.
When I tell you that I could not breathe, I literally mean it. My chest felt as though it was about to cave in. Even now, two years later, Tears still come to my eyes when I remember it. I was filled with feelings of hate, saddness, betrayal and stupidity. How could he do that? How could I have trusted him and given him the most precious thing I had to offer and he throw it away? So many questions and feelings hit me at one time it was hard to think straight.
Then there was the girl. I wanted her dead. I wanted her to feel how much I was hurting. She was bragging about what they had done and knew that I was his girlfriend. She would have to pay for that. Its one thing to not know, its quite another to know and not care.
I broke up with him the very next day. But I never really let him go. We had even tried to get back together but I learned that he and the girl had started seeing eachother. It was then I made my first attempt at cutting him off.
After Drew, my choices when it came to guys weren't the best. I even ended up messing with someone who had a girlfriend and basically doing the same that had been done to me. It was terrible. No one was Drew. I couldn't shake him. Once he even called out of the blue but I was still hurting too much to be civil towards him. He apologized and we tried to be friends but in the back of my mind I knew it was impossible. I even schemed to have sex with him and let the girl find out so that they both could feel a tenth of what I had felt and had been feeling for almost a year.
Two years later, Drew and I are now friends and I've gotten over him being with that girl. They just made two years together. But, while I was at school, he and I spoke and I told him that I love him and I always have and probably always will. He told me he had felt the same and never told me because he was afraid. Needless to say old feelings came rushing back and we were back to calling eachother "boo" and acting as though he didn't have a girlfriend at all.
But I know the truth and so does he. Which is why I've decided that it might be time to close that chapter of my life. I love him but, this isn't healthy. To sit and watch him love someone else is too much for me. Sure he says he loves me too, but, he doesn't love me enough to leave her for me. And even still, would that even work? I'm away at school and he is still here.
Drew is one of those people in your life that u can never get out of your system no matter what. But those people aren't always the best thing for you. I would say that if I am Carrie Bradshaw, Drew is Mr. Big. But he is only Mr. Big in the sense that I can never let him go and that everytime he comes back around, I forgive him and let him back in. The whole getting married after ten years of back and forth part doesn't seem realistic at all. How can i ever be happy with someone else when I keep comparing them to what he and I had, even if it was short lived. I even feel some times that the chance to actually see where we'd end up was taken away from me.
I've said to him that everything happens for a reason and that if he and I hadn't broken up, he wouldn't be as happy as he is now with his girlfriend but its actually me trying to convince myself. Is it really fair that after everything, I'm still alone and he's happy?
Tonight wasn't a long visit. I was literally 5 minutes or less. He came an I gave him his Christmas gift and we said good bye. I don't know if I'm ready for that to have been our finaly goodbye but I know I have to take a step towards "I'll see you later"
~Noelle
Saturday, January 10, 2009
100%
Hey guys! I'm on my third blog already! Wooooo! So lets get started:
I'd like to begin tonight with a little something that a friend of mine (Jalisha Hunte aka Moochie) posted on Facebook. Its a list of qualities that she wants to find in a guy. When I read this I just had to ask if I could share this with my readers. But before I post it, I'll give a little history about Moochie and I and how we met.
She and I are both fresh(wo)men at our school. We didn't always start out as friends though. In fact, for about a month or two, she and I were seeing the same guy at the same time. As I like to say, "No bueno, dude." But instead of getting angry at the guy, who was knowingly toying with our affections, I became upset at her. I must admit that I continued to allow this guy to lead me on, even though I knew I deserved better than that. Honestly, he and I were still affectionate with eachother up until a little after my winter break had begun. As for the two of them, I don't know. However she and I became friends. She's a very sweet girl and I have grown to love her. She is also an aspiring writer and from this post, a bit of a romantic as well; never mind the tattoo of the word "love" on her middle finger, which I will let you think about the meaning. So here is what she posted:
"I want a guy that talk 2 me late at nite..till we both fell asleep on the phone...I want him to miss me...& neva go a day without telling me he loves me...When he hugs me..he closes his eyes and squeezes me...When we kiss he holds my face gently...I want to fall asleep on his chest...I want him 2 watch me sleep then watch me up by kissing my forehead...I want him to take me to the city...N HE PAYS!!!& when were out there I want him 2 hold my hand like a prize that no one else could have...with pride...I want him 2 buy me things cuz when he saw it he though of me..n I'll do the same...I want to tell him everything...I want him 2 tell me everything...I neva want him to lie to me...& I neva wanna lie to him...I support him..he supports me...I got his back..& he has mines...I'd rather him long for me..then 2 need me...I'd rather make love ...then 2 just have sex with me...I'd rather him cherish ...then 2 just claim me...I'd rather never love again..then 2 lose him..I want him to say "im sorry" when he does anything wrong...I want him to say "thank you" when he knows that something was done just for him...I want to cook for him...I want to watch a movie at nite...I want to brush his hair and give him backrubs when his tired...I would make him feel like his is the most blessed man on earth...Because 2 me.... He is...I want us 2 be happy...2 be free 2 Dance... Free 2 Cry... Free 2 sing...2 be us.. I want us 2 love each other... He sees his Kids in My Eyes...He sees The Joy of his life...& know he has everlasting happiness in his future...thats it!!!! i hope u understand ladies!! n fellows take notes!!"
Like I said before, when I read this I HAD to ask if I could share it with everyone. I think that every girl looks for most of these qualities. However, why is it that we, both men and women, allow ourselves to settle?
Many people feel that the perfect guy or girl is impossible to find. Therefore, we settle for the next best thing. Is it really so bad to want the best when it comes to matters of the heart? If I'm giving my 100%, why do I have to settle for less than that? I understand that no one is actually perfect, but is it an excuse to get away with doing things that you know are wrong?
The point is to not fall in love with someone who is perfect. The point is to fall in love with someone perfect for YOU. Your 100% may not be the same as mine, however there is someone out there that is willing to give 99.9% at the very LEAST. Everyone has flaws but its about trying to better those flaws for the one you love and expecting the same in return.
To say that a person expects too much from their other half is saying that someone must take what is given to them and just deal with it. I'm sorry, but I believe that is totally unfair on both ends. I want to be the best person that I can be. And if the love of my life can provide it for me, then I will appriciate it, just as I hope he will for me.
So, in conclusion, my dear Moochie, you deserve this guy and he will have to work to deserve you as well. And if a certain someone is too blind to see what he had, don't sweat it because whats meant to be will be. =) <3
~Noelle
I'd like to begin tonight with a little something that a friend of mine (Jalisha Hunte aka Moochie) posted on Facebook. Its a list of qualities that she wants to find in a guy. When I read this I just had to ask if I could share this with my readers. But before I post it, I'll give a little history about Moochie and I and how we met.
She and I are both fresh(wo)men at our school. We didn't always start out as friends though. In fact, for about a month or two, she and I were seeing the same guy at the same time. As I like to say, "No bueno, dude." But instead of getting angry at the guy, who was knowingly toying with our affections, I became upset at her. I must admit that I continued to allow this guy to lead me on, even though I knew I deserved better than that. Honestly, he and I were still affectionate with eachother up until a little after my winter break had begun. As for the two of them, I don't know. However she and I became friends. She's a very sweet girl and I have grown to love her. She is also an aspiring writer and from this post, a bit of a romantic as well; never mind the tattoo of the word "love" on her middle finger, which I will let you think about the meaning. So here is what she posted:
"I want a guy that talk 2 me late at nite..till we both fell asleep on the phone...I want him to miss me...& neva go a day without telling me he loves me...When he hugs me..he closes his eyes and squeezes me...When we kiss he holds my face gently...I want to fall asleep on his chest...I want him 2 watch me sleep then watch me up by kissing my forehead...I want him to take me to the city...N HE PAYS!!!& when were out there I want him 2 hold my hand like a prize that no one else could have...with pride...I want him 2 buy me things cuz when he saw it he though of me..n I'll do the same...I want to tell him everything...I want him 2 tell me everything...I neva want him to lie to me...& I neva wanna lie to him...I support him..he supports me...I got his back..& he has mines...I'd rather him long for me..then 2 need me...I'd rather make love ...then 2 just have sex with me...I'd rather him cherish ...then 2 just claim me...I'd rather never love again..then 2 lose him..I want him to say "im sorry" when he does anything wrong...I want him to say "thank you" when he knows that something was done just for him...I want to cook for him...I want to watch a movie at nite...I want to brush his hair and give him backrubs when his tired...I would make him feel like his is the most blessed man on earth...Because 2 me.... He is...I want us 2 be happy...2 be free 2 Dance... Free 2 Cry... Free 2 sing...2 be us.. I want us 2 love each other... He sees his Kids in My Eyes...He sees The Joy of his life...& know he has everlasting happiness in his future...thats it!!!! i hope u understand ladies!! n fellows take notes!!"
Like I said before, when I read this I HAD to ask if I could share it with everyone. I think that every girl looks for most of these qualities. However, why is it that we, both men and women, allow ourselves to settle?
Many people feel that the perfect guy or girl is impossible to find. Therefore, we settle for the next best thing. Is it really so bad to want the best when it comes to matters of the heart? If I'm giving my 100%, why do I have to settle for less than that? I understand that no one is actually perfect, but is it an excuse to get away with doing things that you know are wrong?
The point is to not fall in love with someone who is perfect. The point is to fall in love with someone perfect for YOU. Your 100% may not be the same as mine, however there is someone out there that is willing to give 99.9% at the very LEAST. Everyone has flaws but its about trying to better those flaws for the one you love and expecting the same in return.
To say that a person expects too much from their other half is saying that someone must take what is given to them and just deal with it. I'm sorry, but I believe that is totally unfair on both ends. I want to be the best person that I can be. And if the love of my life can provide it for me, then I will appriciate it, just as I hope he will for me.
So, in conclusion, my dear Moochie, you deserve this guy and he will have to work to deserve you as well. And if a certain someone is too blind to see what he had, don't sweat it because whats meant to be will be. =) <3
~Noelle
Love In This Club
Hellooooooooooo! First I'd like to begin by sending a warm and loving 19th birthday wish to my dear friend, Ramon. I LOVE YOU, HUN!!! =)
Anywho, lets begin.
Last night, I went out to a club with my older cousin, Amanda. Amanda and I just met last year. I wish I had known her for longer because I grew up the only girl in my immediate family. She and I share the same birthday and she is only ywo years older than I am. She seem like she has everything so well put together in her life. I look up to her. But back to the story. So we spent the day preparing for the party. She did my hair, we chose an outfit for me, she fixed my make up; the works.
The party at the club was fun. I don't usually dance at clubs. A simple two step or swaying in my seat is fine enough for me. But as Amanda, her sister, and I sat on a couch, we noticed that the number of couples that had come to the party was more than usual. Its sort of an un-written rule that when you go to a club or party, you don't bring your other half. As Amanda put it, "Don't bring sand to the beach." I only believe this, simply because it can cause drama. For example, if someone's boyfriend was drunk and tried to come on to me or vice versa, what and how would the girlfriend feel? Even a look can cause some kind of quarell. Therefore, I feel that some events are better to go solo to.
But, back to the couples. They decided to stand all in one group, right in front of Amanda and I. I watched and observed the couples and noted their behavior. It was like the men were more interested in the women than the women in the men. Amanda just shook her head and laughed at them because she feels that men shouldn't act so "soft".
Across the room I also witnessed, unwillingly, a couple that was on the verge having sex right there on the couch they were sitting on. I turned to Amanda and said "I hope they know eachother". We laughed about it for the first five minutes but after awhile we were in pure amazment. I think that everyone in that club had stopped at least twice to watch this couple as they unshamfully made out. The guy had his hand under the woman's skirt and was sucking on her breasts. They did not come up for air ONCE in about 10 minutes. They only moved because someone had bought a bottle of champagne and needed the table right in front of the two lovers.
Watching all of this, it came to me that is the club a good place to find someone worth having a relationship? Sure they're good for one-night-stands. Thats a fact. But do you really want to be with someone that you just met and began making out intensly within two minutes of knowing him or her? Would that man have taken that woman he was about to impregnate, home to meet his mother?
Of coarse I also wondered about if I would take any of the guys in the club seriously. The way some of them carried themselvs seemed to catch my attention. However, how some others carried themeselves was totally ridiculous. Not to mention some of the women were completely embarrassing themselves as well as me, and I didn't even know them. But those were the women getting attention. Do I have to act like my class level has dropped a few pegs just to get a guy to say hello? I don't think I should but from what I saw, it looks like women that behave badly in public, seem to get most of the attention. However, is the guy giving the attention worth my time if all he is interested in is a girl that gets sloppy drunk and grinds on the next thing with a penis that passes her by?
My first club experience was this August when I went away to school. I had gone shopping with my new girl friends and gotten a new dress, shoes, accessories, etc. However, the attention was once again, focused on the girls that were humping the floor with their dresses riding up.
I guess that for me, at least, my yet-to-be-found other half is not someone I'll meet at the club. Not to say that people who party are all 2nd class citizens because that it not the case at all. I just realized that I'm the type of girl that would much rather bump into an interesting young man in a bookstore or library, the mall while buying his mother a gift, or something around those means. But can other people find love in a club? Or is it just Mr./Mrs. Right Now, instead of Mr./Mrs. Right?
~Noelle
Anywho, lets begin.
Last night, I went out to a club with my older cousin, Amanda. Amanda and I just met last year. I wish I had known her for longer because I grew up the only girl in my immediate family. She and I share the same birthday and she is only ywo years older than I am. She seem like she has everything so well put together in her life. I look up to her. But back to the story. So we spent the day preparing for the party. She did my hair, we chose an outfit for me, she fixed my make up; the works.
The party at the club was fun. I don't usually dance at clubs. A simple two step or swaying in my seat is fine enough for me. But as Amanda, her sister, and I sat on a couch, we noticed that the number of couples that had come to the party was more than usual. Its sort of an un-written rule that when you go to a club or party, you don't bring your other half. As Amanda put it, "Don't bring sand to the beach." I only believe this, simply because it can cause drama. For example, if someone's boyfriend was drunk and tried to come on to me or vice versa, what and how would the girlfriend feel? Even a look can cause some kind of quarell. Therefore, I feel that some events are better to go solo to.
But, back to the couples. They decided to stand all in one group, right in front of Amanda and I. I watched and observed the couples and noted their behavior. It was like the men were more interested in the women than the women in the men. Amanda just shook her head and laughed at them because she feels that men shouldn't act so "soft".
Across the room I also witnessed, unwillingly, a couple that was on the verge having sex right there on the couch they were sitting on. I turned to Amanda and said "I hope they know eachother". We laughed about it for the first five minutes but after awhile we were in pure amazment. I think that everyone in that club had stopped at least twice to watch this couple as they unshamfully made out. The guy had his hand under the woman's skirt and was sucking on her breasts. They did not come up for air ONCE in about 10 minutes. They only moved because someone had bought a bottle of champagne and needed the table right in front of the two lovers.
Watching all of this, it came to me that is the club a good place to find someone worth having a relationship? Sure they're good for one-night-stands. Thats a fact. But do you really want to be with someone that you just met and began making out intensly within two minutes of knowing him or her? Would that man have taken that woman he was about to impregnate, home to meet his mother?
Of coarse I also wondered about if I would take any of the guys in the club seriously. The way some of them carried themselvs seemed to catch my attention. However, how some others carried themeselves was totally ridiculous. Not to mention some of the women were completely embarrassing themselves as well as me, and I didn't even know them. But those were the women getting attention. Do I have to act like my class level has dropped a few pegs just to get a guy to say hello? I don't think I should but from what I saw, it looks like women that behave badly in public, seem to get most of the attention. However, is the guy giving the attention worth my time if all he is interested in is a girl that gets sloppy drunk and grinds on the next thing with a penis that passes her by?
My first club experience was this August when I went away to school. I had gone shopping with my new girl friends and gotten a new dress, shoes, accessories, etc. However, the attention was once again, focused on the girls that were humping the floor with their dresses riding up.
I guess that for me, at least, my yet-to-be-found other half is not someone I'll meet at the club. Not to say that people who party are all 2nd class citizens because that it not the case at all. I just realized that I'm the type of girl that would much rather bump into an interesting young man in a bookstore or library, the mall while buying his mother a gift, or something around those means. But can other people find love in a club? Or is it just Mr./Mrs. Right Now, instead of Mr./Mrs. Right?
~Noelle
Thursday, January 8, 2009
My First Time
My name is Noelle. This isn't my first blog. I've blogged before on Myspace.com and on Xanga.com. However, I felt that starting fresh for the New Year is what I needed. So here I am; New year, new blog. But not exactly new thoughts. I'll keep this blog as up to date as possible, however, you must forgive me if I tend to slack off a little bit. I am a fresh(wo)man in college, so I haven't quite mastered the skill of balancing school as well as a social life in my new environment. Don't worry though. I promise to get on the ball ASAP.
I'm not going ot start my first blog with much. Just a few simple facts about myself so that you (the readers) can get a feel of who I am before you choose to follow my recollections of my adventures as well as misadventures. It won't be too personal though. Lets keep the details of my identity on a "need to know" bases. You already know my name (pronounced no-ell, like the Christmas song). My birthday is March 3rd. I am Haitian (from the island of Haiti/Dominican Republic). I am a pisces and often embody the stereotypical traits of The Two Fish. My favorite color is light blue. I have a manly appetite. I want to be a writer just like Carrie Bradshaw in Sex and the City. I am single. And lastly, as you might of noticed by my blog's title, I am an advocate of love. I am a hopeless romantic. So much so that it often leads others to be upset with me because my heart tends to lead me instead of my brain.
Expect many blog posts about love. If you have no interest in love then this blog is not for you. I often find myself giving advice about love and life so please feel free to ask my opinion if you want. I won't say how old I am but I've been told that I am a very wise young lady. And I would love to help someone in need in anyway that I possibly can. I gave myself the title of Dr. Phil in my circle of friends. However they prefer to call me "Mom". Its a term of affection that I've grown to love and appreciate. I even call them my "sons and daughters".
Thats another thing. My friends are my world. I have many different circles. You will read about them in my blogs because everyone of them is different in his or her own way, resulting in different problems that I will have to reflect on. In reading this blog, I hope that you can get to know them almost as of you met them personally. You may actually love one friend and hate another. If that happens then I've done my job.
My blog wont just stop at writing about my days, weeks, etc. I also love to write poetry. So expect to see some blogs that have a poem or two reflecting on how I feel about something.
I think I've covered enough for now. Like I said before, I hope that my blog will help you to get to know me better with each post. So, until next time, God Bless!
~Noelle
P.S. Fell free to send me poems and topics that you want to have posted and discussed. I'd love to hear about what you have to say =)
I'm not going ot start my first blog with much. Just a few simple facts about myself so that you (the readers) can get a feel of who I am before you choose to follow my recollections of my adventures as well as misadventures. It won't be too personal though. Lets keep the details of my identity on a "need to know" bases. You already know my name (pronounced no-ell, like the Christmas song). My birthday is March 3rd. I am Haitian (from the island of Haiti/Dominican Republic). I am a pisces and often embody the stereotypical traits of The Two Fish. My favorite color is light blue. I have a manly appetite. I want to be a writer just like Carrie Bradshaw in Sex and the City. I am single. And lastly, as you might of noticed by my blog's title, I am an advocate of love. I am a hopeless romantic. So much so that it often leads others to be upset with me because my heart tends to lead me instead of my brain.
Expect many blog posts about love. If you have no interest in love then this blog is not for you. I often find myself giving advice about love and life so please feel free to ask my opinion if you want. I won't say how old I am but I've been told that I am a very wise young lady. And I would love to help someone in need in anyway that I possibly can. I gave myself the title of Dr. Phil in my circle of friends. However they prefer to call me "Mom". Its a term of affection that I've grown to love and appreciate. I even call them my "sons and daughters".
Thats another thing. My friends are my world. I have many different circles. You will read about them in my blogs because everyone of them is different in his or her own way, resulting in different problems that I will have to reflect on. In reading this blog, I hope that you can get to know them almost as of you met them personally. You may actually love one friend and hate another. If that happens then I've done my job.
My blog wont just stop at writing about my days, weeks, etc. I also love to write poetry. So expect to see some blogs that have a poem or two reflecting on how I feel about something.
I think I've covered enough for now. Like I said before, I hope that my blog will help you to get to know me better with each post. So, until next time, God Bless!
~Noelle
P.S. Fell free to send me poems and topics that you want to have posted and discussed. I'd love to hear about what you have to say =)
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